We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
