dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
