Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
