Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
