I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
