I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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