I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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