Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
