saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
