I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
