Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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