I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
