Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
