ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
