the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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