My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
