My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My butt remains clenched, sir.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
