Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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