There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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