Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
