I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
