We won't sleep together?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
