I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
