he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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