He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
