Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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