I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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