I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I need to stop coming to work sober
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Did we literally take a cab across the street
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
