guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
