I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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