So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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