i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
