the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It's never too late to be topless.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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