1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
