You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
