Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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