There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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