This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
