There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
