Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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