Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
