Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Randomize
