sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
