we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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