just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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