ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
