When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
