I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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