I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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