everyone is single if you try hard enough
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
