I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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