One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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