Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
